This is a vent.

I need sleep.  Lots of it.  In high school and early college, I would go to bed by 10 every night and usually wake up around 6:30 or 7.  (In my junior year of college, I realized how fun it was to stay up until 12 or 12:30 every night...it helped that I didn't have class until 10:30!).  Even now, I'm not well-rested unless I get at least 9 hours.

Having kids has really messed up my sleep.  Both Lane and Katy didn't sleep through the night until they were a year old.

Katy was a pretty good sleeper in the beginning - she typically only woke once a night.  Lane stopped napping when he was two, but since he was good at quiet time, I could still get a nap while Katy was a baby.    I was always impressed that if Katy was tired, she would just keep sleeping.  But...when she turned two, everything fell apart.  Now she's up multiple times a night and won't sleep in anymore.  She also gave up naps when she gave up her pacifier.  No more naps for me!  Lane won't nap and doesn't sleep well, so he's constantly tired.  Two tired kids = alot of crabbiness!

I really thought that maybe Scarlett would be a good sleeper.  She started out well - by 2 months, she was only waking once around 4 or 5 to eat and would wake up for the day around 8.  Naps were hit or miss, but since I wasn't able to take a nap during the day anyway, it didn't bother me.

The past 6 weeks have been horrible!  Scarlett is finally taking longer naps during the day, but her night sleep has gone to crap.  She's up at least every 3 hours to eat and will sometimes wake in between either needing to burp or just for a cuddle.

We moved her from the rock n play to her crib a couple of weeks ago, thinking that it might help.  I also decided to let her cry it out in hopes of stretching out her feedings and teaching her to fall asleep on her own.

FAIL.

It was a long week of crying.  She did learn how to fall asleep for naps on her own without nursing.  We also listened to her cry when she woke up before 1 or 2 am depending on when she fell asleep.  I thought things were falling into place - we had one wonderful night where she just woke up at 3:30 to eat and slept the rest of the night.  I thought I was pretty smart :)

And....now we're back to square one, except worse.  Scarlett is up 3-4 times a night still and will not go back to sleep without nursing.  She can still fall asleep on her own at night, but sometimes it takes a little while if she gets stuck on her tummy and isn't quite ready to sleep yet.

Naps are not going well.  As soon as I walk into her room with her, she starts freaking out.  She won't let me rock her, but if I just put her in her crib, she screams and screams.  Eventually she will calm down enough to let me rock her to sleep.

I'm also frustrated because I had no plans to continue nursing past 6 months, but she won't take a bottle.  Maybe she will figure it out in the next couple of months, but I'm not holding my breath!  It's also hard to take her anywhere in public with me - she's not a good nurser and gets fussy while eating unless things are perfect.  And...she basically won't fall asleep anywhere but her crib or carseat, which makes church, Bible study, and going to friends' houses really tough.

Sigh.  I know that "this too shall pass," but it's kinda tough while I'm going through it.  I keep thinking about how fun things could be if we were all well-rested, but right now that seems impossible.  I've come to the point where I won't try to fix things...hopefully at least Scarlett will figure it out on her own (and hopefully it doesn't take months!).  And maybe I should just accept that I'm going to always be exhausted and start drinking coffee?